InsaneJournal

Tweak says, "This is going to cost you $100"

or maybe i'm just being rhetorical. (rashomon) wrote,
@ 2011-10-01 18:14:00

Entry tags:

meme

Give me one of your characters and one of mine, and I will give you their top three Texts From Last Night!

because I'm boooored.

(Post a new comment)

	bubblegum 2011-10-01 10:15 pm UTC (link)
	Igraine and Apollo (Reply to this) (Thread)

rashomon
2011-10-01 10:22 pm UTC (link)

(Apollo): We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?

(Igraine): Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.

(Igraine): I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show

(Apollo): Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	gwenogjones 2011-10-01 11:10 pm UTC (link)
	Ganymede and Deds Daphne and Terence Bertie and B Just do it (Reply to this) (Thread)

rashomon
2011-10-01 11:18 pm UTC (link)

Daphne + Terence

(Terence): My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."

(Terence): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

(Terence): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

Ganymede + Deds

(Deds): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

(Deds): I told you I was good to drive
(Ganymede): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

(Deds): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	helloworld 2011-10-01 11:54 pm UTC (link)
	I'm on a horse. (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	rashomon 2011-10-01 11:57 pm UTC (link)
	the police officer was kingsley (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	helloworld 2011-10-01 11:58 pm UTC (link)
	I'd hoped so! (Reply to this) (Parent)

rashomon
2011-10-01 11:28 pm UTC (link)

B: this guy near me in the library is breathing SO LOUDLY and tapping his foot and I might have to murder him
Bertie: Jail is a bad place to study too

(B):Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
(Bertie): At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
(B): Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.

(Bertie):How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	gwenogjones 2011-10-02 02:05 am UTC (link)
	all of these forever. b + everyone is my favorite. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	helloworld 2011-10-01 11:54 pm UTC (link)
	Mary/Sirius and Daphodore (Reply to this) (Thread)

	Mary/Sirius rashomon 2011-10-02 12:02 am UTC (link)
	(Mary): Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever (Sirius): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. (Mary): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! (Reply to this) (Parent)

Daphodore

rashomon
2011-10-02 12:29 am UTC (link)

(Daphne): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

(Theodore): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

(Daphne): If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	orangetree 2011-10-02 12:20 am UTC (link)
	Jules/Daph Zamira/Apollo (Reply to this) (Thread)

Daph/Jules

rashomon
2011-10-02 01:57 am UTC (link)

(Daphne): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

(Daphne): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
(Juliet): youre the best friend ever

(Juliet): I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
(Daphne): shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	ex_yeti178 2011-10-02 01:40 am UTC (link)
	Ellie and Robbie! Ummm and maybe Dedalus and John? (Reply to this) (Thread)

Dedalus + John

rashomon
2011-10-02 01:46 am UTC (link)

(John): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

(Dedalus): they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.

(Deds): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Ellie ---> Robbie

rashomon
2011-10-02 01:52 am UTC (link)

(Ellie): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

(Ellie): We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?

(Ellie): You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius

(Robbie): Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.

(Robbie): I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	One more! ex_yeti178 2011-10-02 02:08 am UTC (link)
	Robbie and Rodolphus? (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: One more! rashomon 2011-10-02 03:09 am UTC (link)
	(Robbie): i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you. (Dolph): i hate you (Reply to this) (Parent)

	Re: Ellie ---> Robbie rashomon 2011-10-02 02:34 am UTC (link)
	(Ellie): You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher? (Robbie): Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	enileda 2011-10-02 02:04 am UTC (link)
	Mary/Addie Evie/Daphne Evie/Rolf Dolph/Viv Fleur/Charlie Deds/Penny Deds/Emme Bertie/Penny (Reply to this) (Thread)

	enileda 2011-10-02 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Irv/Ellie (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

rashomon
2011-10-02 02:41 am UTC (link)

(Ellie): sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.

(Ellie): That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.

(Irv): my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute

(Ellie): you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
(Irv): why?
(Ellie): so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Evie

rashomon
2011-10-02 02:28 am UTC (link)

(Daphne--> Evie): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

(Evie --> Daphne): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

(Evie --> Daphne): I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.

(Rolf --> Evie):You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

(Rolf --> Evie): in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do

(Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	Re: Evie rashomon 2011-10-02 02:35 am UTC (link)
	(Rolf): please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong... (Evie): ...i wondered where i left that... (Reply to this) (Parent)

rashomon
2011-10-02 02:56 am UTC (link)

(Addie --> Mary): I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.

Viv: Your ~~friend Lauren’s~~ Mom facebook friended me. If I reject it will she know?
Dolph: Yeah she will.
Viv: That crafty bitch.

(Bertie --> Penny): Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

(Charlie --> Fleur): Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up

(Reply to this) (Parent)

Deds

rashomon
2011-10-02 03:08 am UTC (link)

(Deds --> Emme): And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

(Deds --> Emme, clearly talking about Glyn): we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

(Penny --> Deds): is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am? all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.

(Deds): Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
(Penny): That doesn't help me much...
(Deds): I'm right under the moon!

(Reply to this) (Parent)

	eyeball_tree 2011-10-02 02:05 am UTC (link)
	Edgar and Dedalus! Charlie and Arthur! We don't really have lines together why? D: (Reply to this) (Thread)

	warg 2011-10-02 02:16 am UTC (link)
	BECAUSE YOU SHOULD ALSO APP DIONYSUS DIGGLE (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread)

	eyeball_tree 2011-10-02 02:18 am UTC (link)
	I'm not talking to you, werewolf! (Reply to this) (Parent)

	rashomon 2011-10-02 02:18 am UTC (link)
	(Deds): i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can. (Edgar): oh fuck your right (Arthur): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	gwenogjones 2011-10-02 02:06 am UTC (link)
	ASKING FOR MOAR. ummmmmm. rodolphus/tess bc if you can find this you are my heart forever. ellie/ganymede tess/mary (Reply to this) (Thread)

	these all get like one each rashomon 2011-10-02 02:12 am UTC (link)
	(Tess ---> Mary): we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine (Ellie --> Ganymede): I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck (Dolph --> Tess): your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood. (Reply to this) (Parent)

	rainbowling 2011-10-02 06:08 pm UTC (link)
	mary and lily (Reply to this) (Thread)

rashomon
2011-10-02 06:16 pm UTC (link)

(Lily): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

(Lily): Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.

(Mary): I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.

(Reply to this) (Parent)